Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize