Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
