We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
