My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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