Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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