next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
