I need help removing her.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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