You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
