i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i think my cat just said my name.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize