I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
