i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
