fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
