Pappa wants mamma naked
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
