Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
