You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
