well I can't set my house on fire every night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
