Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
