Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
