guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
