It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
