It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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