Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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