my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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