chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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