i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
