How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
