Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
