Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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