I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize