the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
