Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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