those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
