We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
