a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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