All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize