I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize