"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
