The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
