are you still at the devil's house?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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