And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
