My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
