party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
