Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
