I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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