drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Say something about gay babies.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
