DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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