I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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