i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
