I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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