the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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