I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
