ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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