theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize