great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
