dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
