Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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