Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
