we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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