Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
