Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
