Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's blow job season.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
