I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
