giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
