): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
