If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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