Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
