dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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