he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
