..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
